How can you improve on the perfection that nature (or God if you prefer) has seen fit to provide?
Well I am delighted and somewhat taken aback to be informed by Lulu Campbell ( family affairs and other matters ) that I have won the Lavish "Beachy Queen" gift package!
Well I have searched the Lavish website and there is no mention of plastic surgery or divine intervention being offered as part of the package so as you can see below, the wonderful prize would be totally wasted on me!
Therefore I will reluctantly have to pass the prize on to The Children's Mother, Hilary who I nominated in the competition. I have to admit that she is much more deserving having put up with me for the past 5 years and the rest of her tribe for much longer! When I told Hilary about her treat she fainted, I think it was the threat of the bikini waxing! After the application of a dose of smelling salts and a stiff malt, she pronounced herself overwhelmed and looking forward to a bit of girly pampering!
That still leaves the problem of what to do with my legs?
Don't you dare!